BLOG 175
“Mmmm in vain, in vain
I tell you we’re all the same
‘Cause there you stand
A-sayin’ man it’s not for real
‘Cause we’re the ones
Who get to steal the show
And I don’t know
I guess you’re right
But even so
If there’s no audience
There just ain’t no show”
(Chilliwack, “Rain-O” 1970)
As I contemplated Eckhart Tollés remarks on the ego being the state of the unobserved mind, and the fact that, without an external reference point the ego couldn’t exist, the lyrics to the Chilliwack band’s hit song “Rain-O” came to mind, particularly the line: “If there’s not audience there just ain’t no show.”
This led to reflections on how many of my choices have been based on what I thought others might think. Yesterday, when heading out for dinner, I noted that I chose my outfit with regard to where we were going, the restaurant’s decor and rating, and the clientele I might encounter there. In Whistler, anything goes as far as fashion is concerned, allowing that there’s a distinct “mountain culture” which lends itself to mud-spattered endurance bikes being marched through the village by their relatively youthful, equally mud-spattered and safety-armored riders. Acknowledging that this was never a look I’d be able (or willing) to pull off, I opted to dress according to a sign I saw posted in a picture window that read: “Smile, you’re part of our view”.
I was also probably unconsciously guided by the kinds of things my mother would say to a much younger me, e.g. “Always put on clean underwear lest you get hit by a car and end up in hospital”, or the equally unlikely, “Always practice good table manners in case you get to have dinner with the queen some day”. The closest I ever came to dining with “royalty” was a meal shared with Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, (accompanied by my friend, their niece, Sime Taylor) at which time both celebrities drank copiously (as did I — no judgment please) and la Liz jokingly asked a bodyguard if he wanted a knuckle sandwich. Where’s the class in that?
But I digress.
Such reminiscences lead to the obvious conclusion that, just as Tollé explains, most of my sense of self, my roles, opinions and preferences are the stuff of unobserved self-talk, aka thoughts. Otherwise known as conditioning. Tollé calls it object consciousness. As opposed to space consciousness. But that’s not what I’m interested in today.
What I’m interested in is how much I have taken for granted in my life, such as having spent that ancient gap year in France, learning the language and meeting people who were way out of my league (while picking up several unsavory habits and generally behaving badly). Thereafter being university-educated care of my parents, marrying my childhood sweetheart, raising four cherished children, and, upon first impressions, having since led a life of relative ease. Much of it thinking, as per the Rain-O lyrics, that I was one of those who got to steal the show.
So what changed? Reality dawned. The recession of the ‘80s slapped me upside the head and I became intimately acquainted with suffering — the great universal teacher in its multiple guises. And gradually the realization dawned that there must be something beyond the names and forms, illusions and objects that had for so long defined me. It’s true that when there’s really nowhere to turn, we seek the assurance of something beyond the small, individual self and the world she (in my case) occupies. Which is also about the time that “grace” comes to mind. One great evolutionary leap occurs when one stops thinking “why me?” and begins to appreciate the close escapes and even greater blessings that have come one’s way.
Swami Radha offer this:
“Our aim has to be to become closer to accepting the Divine for what the Divine is. That’s really the crux of the matter of love. The evidence of divine love that we are all looking for is really not so difficult to find. Just look back in your life at all the dangerous or very unpleasant things that you have escaped. You may have been just on the edge and then by some good turn of destiny, you avoided a disaster. You can see that grace has been functioning in your life to a large extent. If you look at where grace has worked for you, you will find the proof and the evidence of divine love”…and…”you may also recognize that you haven’t done anything specific to deserve this grace.”
It’s also an act of divine love that we have the capacity to recognize how grace has been operating in our lives, despite the speed bumps and the “why me’s”, and carry on living with more gratitude and humility.
Swami Radha finishes her chapter on Love with this:
“If you have received a lot of grace in your life, pass a little bit on to others. Have patience. Have understanding. Be kind. Be considerate, even if your patience is tested to its utmost.”
And don’t hesitate to share your peanut butter cups.