BELONGING
“Most of us pride ourselves on our self-sufficiency. We like to be responsible for taking care of ourselves and pulling our own weight in the world. This is why it can be so challenging when we find ourselves in a situation in which we have to rely on someone else. This can happen as the result of an illness or an injury, or even in the case of a positive change, such as the arrival of a newborn. At times like these, it is essential that we let go of our feeling that we should be able to do it all by ourselves and accept the help of others.” (Daily Om May 16, 2024)
The theme of belonging has been topical for me in the couple of weeks since returning from Hawaii, where I have a built-in family, or Ohana, in the small community that we call our home-away-from-home outside Kona. The fact that half of this Ohana is staff doesn’t detract from the sense of belonging and inclusivity, and Aloha that I experience in Hawaii. It just means I have easy access to conversation and group activity, should I feel a need. Not so in West Vancouver, where I’ve yet to make any new friends or experience the reassurance of having a “tribe” behind me. This perceived lack has generated no small amount of anxiety as I’ve often felt anonymous, outside of family, in this seemingly indifferent city. At least that was the case until yesterday.
I’ve often been asked why I swim on the opposite side of English Bay in our old neighborhood of Point Grey, when there is ocean access right across the street here at Ambleside Beach. And indeed I do see the occasional group of cold water devotees as I walk along the sea wall, but I gravitate to the folks I’ve swum with at Jericho, and the constant I I have come to count on: there will always be someone familiar swimming anywhere from 6:15 to 8:00 a.m. (on weekends) and, even better, someone to chat with in the hot tub.
I think I took this constant for granted until yesterday morning. Unwittingly, I used the wrong anti-fog drops in my swim goggles, and within the hour my eye was an itchy, swollen red mess. There’s nothing like being unable to see out of one’s eye that makes one feel helpless and vulnerable. And not a little impatient and short-tempered! Rinsing it out under the filtered water faucet did nothing to soothe the burning sensation, so one quick-thinking swimmer volunteered to get me some proper eye wash at the drugstore. Others expressed concern and offered solutions from their own experience. One friend even tracked down her brother, an Opthamologist to get his opinion, and a retired emergency room doc urged me to seek help at UBC hospital. Most of the people at the pool got involved one way or another.
Ultimately, a fellow swimmer drove me to Emergency where, over the next couple of hours, the chemically burned eye was flushed with four or five liters of sterile saline solution. Since I was unable to tolerate the too-big eye rinse cup, a nurse volunteered to manually rinse the eye while I held it open with my own hands. Without the drain that’s attached to the eye cup, I was soon lying in a pool of cool water, soaked to the skin from head to waist, while other nurses scrunched blotter-towels around my shivering body.
When they’d done all they could at UBC, the next stop was Vancouver General’s speciality opthamology clinic that keeps a skeleton staff on deck for weekend emergencies. Such as me. The words of Thursday’s Daily Om post came back as I waited anxiously to be seen:
“The first step is accepting the situation fully as it is. Too often we make things worse either by trying to do more than we should or by lapsing into feelings of uselessness. In both cases, we run the risk of actually prolonging our dependency. In addition, we miss a valuable opportunity to practice acceptance and humility. The ego resists what is, so when we move into acceptance we move into the deeper realm of the soul. In needing others and allowing them to help us, we experience the full realization that we are not on our own in the world. While this may bring up feelings of vulnerability, a deep feeling of gratitude also may emerge as we open to the experience of being helped. This realization can enable us to be wiser in our service of others when we are called upon to help.”
Yesterday I learned a great deal about accepting the situation as it was, and setting aside the ego that probably would have gone straight home (if I’d been able to drive) rather than lean on other people. Had I done so, the damage to my left eye would likely have been irreparable.
When all was said and done, I realized that ‘belonging’ has a lot to do with admitting vulnerability, and accepting help and advice from the people around me. Knowing how much it meant to be on the receiving end of so much care and concern taught me a great deal about how to be of service to others in need. And above all, it taught me that however anonymous a part of me may feel, I am not on my own in the world.
Now to light my gratitude candle…