PURPOSE
“If you don’t know where you want to go, it doesn’t matter which path you take.” Lewis Carroll Alice in Wonderland
This morning as I pondered the theme of purpose, I pictured myself in a car idling at a crossroads; instead of four options — left or right, forward or back — the roads fork off in all directions like the spokes of a bicycle wheel. My imagination then expands this image into a three dimensional ball with spokes on all surfaces like a large pincushion. Soon this image morphs into a sun with its rays beaming in every direction. And this in turn reminds me of a talk I attended about the Keck Observatory. It was dazzling to see screen images taken of outer space, and marvel at the massive, complex telescopes that captured them at Keck.
In Yoga a Path to Awareness” Swami Radha writes that it is difficult (if not impossible) “for the individual to comprehend the tremendous phenomenon of the whole cosmos in which we find ourselves. Yet somehow we have to form a relationship to the cosmos or find our place in it.” Finding my place in the cosmos has been a lifelong pursuit.
Taken at a more relatable level, here on planet earth I can at least get a sense of the trajectory I’m on by tracking my footprints. By reflecting on the choices I have made that led to where I am today. Arthur Frank, a respected Canadian psychologist and author wrote:
“To live is to write one’s credo, every day, in every act. I pray for a world that offers us each the gift of reflective space, the Sabbath quiet, to recollect the fragments of our days and acts. In those recollections we may see a little of how our lives effect others and then imagine, in the days ahead, how we might do small and specific acts that create a world we believe every person has a right to deserve.”
From this I get a sense that purpose is not something that falls out of the sky to land in my lap and steer me for the rest of my life. And further, I realize it’s unhelpful, if not dangerous to compare myself to others who seem more certain and self-determined. I remember marveling at a relative who confidently claimed he had known he wanted to be a surgeon since he was a first-grader. He never wavered. My own youthful aspirations were more congruent with those of young girls everywhere: I wanted to be Elizabeth Taylor in National Velvet; a veterinarian; a ballerina; a famous artist and influential writer.
The latter ambition, that of writer, gained some traction through creative writing classes at university, and courses in Radio and Television Arts at NAIT that eventually landed me a job at an ad agency, and finally a somewhat unspecific writing job at the Alberta government’s Public Affairs Bureau. All of which I left behind to raise a family for the following few of decades.
My true and lifelong passion did not reveal itself until the Recession of the ‘80s. Having lost our business, our home, our livelihood and the social status that went with it, I realized that the only unassailable possession I had was ‘me, myself and I’. Sad to say, I didn’t even know who ‘I’ was without all the external trappings that supposedly defined me. Around this time a friend introduced me to the teachings of Swami Sivananda Radha, and these have indeed guided my subsequent adult life:
“When you recognize and accept the gift of consciousness, you realize it’s time to do something with it. That’s when you get control over your life. You don’t feel helpless, no matter what is going on in the world around you. And the inner security that so many people try to find through higher education, more money, greater social status, now comes through your own efforts.
“Sometimes, on an individual level, we can also have what I call “silent revolutions.” The silent revolution is when you change on the inside, taking a new look at life and who you are. You may decide that life has to change, but you can’t change the world. So what can you change? Only yourself, and you might be able to help change others – awakening them to the need for greater awareness. You can sharpen your intelligence. You can even cooperate with your own destiny. You don’t have to wait until life breaks you down in pain. Pain is a great teacher and for some, it is the only teacher. But life doesn’t have to be that way.”
This is why I continue to pontificate about leading an examined life. Urging people to go within, clean up your own back yard. The better I understand what makes me tick, the clearer I am about what is authentic to me and what is mere conditioning; the stronger I am about correcting negative behaviors and thought patterns, the more effectively I will respond to whatever daily life presents. And that, I believe, is a worthy purpose.
“Know thyself, and thou shall know all the mysteries of the gods and of the universe.” (Ancient Egyptian expression)