January 8, 2024
TRUST
“To move on to your next phase, you need to shift from the outer guru to the inner guru, or what Jesus called “the kingdom of God within.” It means quieting the emotions and really listening. When you need the guidance most, it is available – but you have to look for it.” (Swami Sivananda Radha: yoga a path to awareness)
The day after a very low-key New Year’s Eve (a glass of bubbly at a neighbor’s, followed by bed at 10:30 with a grand-dog burrowed between us, quaking with fireworks fright) I was reminded that I hadn’t yet committed to a “word of intention” for 2024.
In a pre-Christmas meeting some friends and I pondered this suggestion of choosing a word of intention, something that would succinctly remind us of a quality we wished to cultivate in 2024. At the time I chose the word “trust”. I had so much going on and so little control or certainty that the best I could do was trust it would all work out.
Then I promptly forgot all about it.
But no matter, for when someone asked me how our holidays went, I replied that I felt lucky not to have been run over by the moving train that I had set in motion with my pre-Christmas ambitions. Maybe a better metaphor would be that of riding a wave that miraculously didn’t break and smash me on a reef. The wave was one of trusting that my motivations were pure and my intentions sincere: I just did what my heart compelled me to do. In some ways it felt like a wild ride because my usual control-oriented patterns were suspended and I led with a kind of trust that has been inhibited for much of my life.
My previous and long-standing M.O. was to operate from a risk-averse place of needing to assess any negative consequences and/or anticipate what could possibly go wrong. Some call that paralysis by analysis. It’s a surefire way to stay mired in indecision and second-guessing. As Goethe wrote (and I’m so fond of quoting):
“Until one is committed, there is always hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.”
In my case, the commitment I made in November to “trust”, (despite having let it slip my mind) worked its way deep into my psyche, so that I acted on it spontaneously, somehow circumventing the gatekeeper of my risk-averse ego and simply riding the flow that I couldn’t predict or control. Swami Radha would call it cooperating with my evolution of consciousness:
“Once you see the tremendous opportunity that life gives you to cooperate with the law of spiritual evolution, you will want to increase your efforts in personal development. Divine law has a specific application for each individual, suited to the karmic situations of our unique paths, but the overall purpose of life is the same for everyone. If you accept the challenge of evolution of consciousness, you will find that you have much greater equanimity to face whatever life offers. The option is always open to either cooperate with evolution or to resist the divine plan. If you make the choice to cooperate, you will undoubtedly experience increased peace and happiness.”
Over the holidays I did experience increased peace and happiness over years past, and much of that is due to having trusted my inner guru, my heart.
Otherwise, there is simply too great an array of external authorities offering advice about how to lead my life.
A sampling: “”Ego Death: Restore Your True Self-Identity”; “Change your mindset, change the game”; “Breathe to Heal”; “How to protect your brain from stress”; “Test your might! Shaolin spirit”; Quantum physics for 7 year olds”. And that’s only part of a YouTube page. It’s a smorgasbord that gives me a stomach ache even before attempting to ingest any of it.
This “indigestion” is as good a reason as any to build trust in my own authority. And NOT because I’ve done years of study and practice. Much of that was just a distraction, driven by a need to excel at something. That’s not what you need to be your own authority. To be your own authority takes courage and conviction, the belief that the wisdom and guidance one needs is within and can be accessed by quieting the emotions and really listening. Right now. Right where you are.
Of course this is ironic because here I am blogging, offering suggestions about leading an examined life, giving my ego a boost when I hear back from one of you. But all of it is in hopes of your finding your inner guru, to assure you that cooperating with your evolution of consciousness is worth it.
As T.S. Eliot said: “…and the end of all our searching will be to arrive where we started, and know the place for the first time”.
Whatever your word of intention, my wish is for you to become your own authority, discover your inner wisdom and divinity, and set an example for other people.