“Seek not to count the future waves of Time;
But be ye satisfied that you have light
Enough to take your step and find your foothold,”
(T. S. Eliot, “Two Choruses from ‘The Rock,’” The Waste Land and Other Poems)
The other afternoon a friend and I went for a standup paddle on Green Lake (a glacier-fed lake that is actually swim-able after such a warm summer) in the now 34C degree heat. So much for my freezing feet! Armored up with a water bottle, SPF 30, a UV shirt that I soaked before we set out, a big floppy hat and sunglasses; I felt happy and refreshed after a leisurely paddle. With the hat flapping down around my eyes, I had only limited vision as I climbed up the steep path that leads from the lake to the street. As I picked my way carefully up the irregular stone steps, the thought occurred to me that “one step at a time” was a good mantra to repeat as I transition into life in B.C. Not gonna lie, the first couple of days of cold and rain, and the general strangeness, had me itching to get back to the place that, for the past nine months, felt familiar and safe. But we don’t grow where we are too complacent. At least, I don’t.
Prodded on by a need to feel productive and engaged (didn’t I write a blog about that harsh inner taskmaster?) and needing some sense of direction, I’ve been pondering my next steps with a greater-than-necessary sense of urgency. It may even be a character flaw, this need to be occupied and achieving – if not great things – then at least something that justifies my existence. Something that ticks the boxes, or answers the perennial question of “what am I doing with my life”? In my usual manner, I went searching for a clue as to what my next steps could, should, or ought to be.
In what struck me as fortuitous, even serendipitous, I came upon two readings that addressed these existential questions. In today’s Daily Om blog, Madsyn Taylor wrote: “When our next best course of action seems unclear, any dilemmas we face can appear insurmountable.”
She then suggests: “The first step in overcoming any obstacle is to believe that it can be overcome. Doing so will give you the strength and courage to move through any crisis. The second step is to make a resolution that you can prevail over any chaos. Enlist your support network of family and friends if necessary.”
Ironically, my “network of family” is the chaos, more often than not! And, historically, I have always thrived on it. However, after months of relative isolation I struggle to get into the rhythm of life outside the bubble that was Hawaïi. Though hardly a crisis, this first week in B.C. has been disorienting. A part of me wants to crawl into a cave and integrate any changes that I see in myself and my surroundings, to reflect on what has become clear to me, as Walt Whitman would have me do, since last I was in this ’country’.
To sum up Taylor’s column, the advice I gleaned was similar to something my indomitable mother used to say: “Do something…even if it’s wrong.” Though this is strikingly similar to what I encouraged my would-be writer friends to do in last week’s blog, and while in my books doing something is infinitely preferable to doing nothing, Swami Radha, in Time to be Holy offers a different POV:
“When you go through times of difficulty, it is necessary to sit back and wait. Don’t act” … “Even if you have to hold on by your teeth, your fingertips, or your toenails – just hold on. Wait.”
Swami Radha is referring to the difficulties one encounters when trying to lead an examined life, what she calls cooperating with one’s evolution of consciousness. And she believes that tracking one’s footprints is the best way to achieve that evolution. It is tempting to abandon such a contemplative path and simply engage with the shifting circumstances and developments of the everyday. And indeed we must do that too. But the Swami would have us do so with a view to responding, versus reacting to whatever happens. She would have us understand how our choices and actions have affected the world around us, so we could adjust or change our trajectory, if necessary. And she would have us resonate with something that transcends the mundane. Our spiritual journey, as it were.
In reference to the “getting and spending” (as William Wordsworth would say) that preoccupies so much of Western life, Swami Radha writes: “That’s the question that is always there. You always have to go a step further, and ask, “And then what? What happens after I have that? What is the next step?” Indeed!
Having reflected on what these esteemed writers have to say, I’ve concluded that, no matter how credible the authority, the responsibility to choose my next steps ultimately falls to me. One authority might have me act, and the other might advise me to wait patiently for the path to be revealed to me. Fantasy artist James Christensen describes it thus: “Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.” (James Christensen, The Art of James Christensen: A Journey of the Imagination)
It is through tracking my footprints in my journal that I can see where my past choices — or visions — have led me, and only by taking my next steps carefully, as I did climbing those stone steps up from the lake, can I avoid making unnecessary mistakes. No doubt mistakes will be made, anyway; nobody’s perfect. The key is to reflect on the latter, along with any victories, and continue building on a combination of action and reflection that is informed by a vision of who I might become. One step at a time. Satisfied that I have sufficient light to secure the next foothold.
I just wish I had a better flashlight…