What’s it all about, Alfie? Is it just for the moment we live?”
(Dionne Warwick)
I belong to a first rate fitness club. And I’ve learned that first rate fitness clubs attract first rate athletes, and first rate athletes are a great inspiration for people of all ages to stretch past self-imposed limits and – if not compete in the Iron Man – then simply be the best physical specimens they can be. But also, at age seventy, the fitness levels of the top athletes around me can be a little daunting. An unchecked competitive streak compels me to overachieve, and occasionally, even leads to injury. Gimped up with a sore foot, tight calf and aching hip, I am forced to be still. Observe. Reflect on the choices that brought me here, and register a need for balance, healing.
Through this unanticipated time out, I am reminded that the physical “me” is only one facet of my “full specific life” as Laurens van der Post would call it. I am compelled to address the possible neglect of other facets of “me”, such as my emotional or intellectual, spiritual or creative, social or relationship well-being. If I am to be a proponent for living an examined life, I must have the willingness to ask, and honestly answer the questions that will lead to a deeper understanding of who and what I am, how I think, what I think, and why I do what I do. As the biblical quote goes: “ye shall know the truth [about yourself] and the truth shall make you free.” Or, as Gloria Steinem famously quipped: “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”
With the goal of freeing myself from unconscious patterns or conditioned beliefs that can be maddeningly misguided, I do what is called a “life pie” exercise, one that I was assigned annually as a Masters candidate at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. I draw a circle and intuitively divide it into six – usually uneven – pieces. Also intuitively, I label each piece of the pie according to what best represents the time, energy and/or resources I expend on that particular aspect. Through this process I can better see if, for example, my emotional or intellectual well-being has been sacrificed to an egoistic drive to triumph on my road bike! To clarify the kind of person I want to be, and the quality of life I want to lead, I ask questions such as, “What does it mean to live life to the full? What is a 360 degree life? What do catch-phrases like “be the best you can be” actually mean?”
These questions and reflections help generate a vision of who – or what – I believe I have the potential to be. Hence the title of this blog: A Yogini at Large. By some definitions, a yogini is a female yoga master, adept, and teacher. That would wrongfully imply that I have “arrived”. Another definition better represents what I intended by the term: “Yogi or Yogini refers to someone who follows or practices yoga philosophy with high levels of commitment.”
This blog is an example of such a commitment; a process of understanding and articulating what has heart and meaning for me, and then sharing it with other people. In that way it meets both an intellectual and a spiritual goal. Possibly also a social (reaching out), creative (writing and visualizing), and even emotional goal (connecting with others on a more profound level). In some dimly understood way I trust that what I imagine as possible can, through persistence and practice, become probable, and then actual.
I also know that I am solely responsible for, and stand to benefit most from, this process of self-evaluation, goal-setting and self-actualisation. I would not do this if I thought, as Alfie did in the 1966 film by that name, that the purpose of life was entirely for selfish gain and instant gratification — a kind of living in the moment that might not have been what Ram Dass had in mind when he advised us to “Be Here Now”!
As always, whether Ram Dass or Alfie (or some other role model) is your “guiding light”, the consequences of whatever path you take or choices you make, land squarely on your own psychological and spiritual, even social, emotional, physical and creative plate. I am the sum of my choices, and only I can change my trajectory. The life pie exercise is a good way to assess the “what is” in my life at any given time, and discern the steps necessary to shift into a sense of possibility, of what “could be”.
Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh, global spiritual leader, poet and peace activist urges his followers to start where they are: “The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.”
What might be your next step or steps?
I need to read your blogs a few time. Reading your blogs make me feel puzzled. I am maybe not a deep enough thinker, in these matters. But why not start now? Thank you for you wisdom, and sensitivity.
Blythe