“Ask yourself these simple questions: Where do I need to grow up, step into my life? What fear will I need to confront in doing so? Is that fear realistic or from an earlier time in my development? And, given that heavy feeling I have carried for so long already, what is the price I have to pay for not growing up?”
James Hollis wrote the above in his book “Living an Examined Life”, which is described as “an invitation to your soul’s calling”. I gravitated to the title because it echoed my goal for this blog, and for my life. Entering my seventh decade compelled me to ask similar questions of myself. I wanted to fulfill any untapped potential. Understand the purpose of my life. Make the most of the time left to me. Contrary to what Calvin, of Calvin and Hobbes cartoon fame, would say: “Short-term stupid self-interest” is not the secret to happiness. So I search for purpose and meaning. Something more nourishing. More satisfying and long-lasting than the shiny objects that our consumer culture promises.
There is always debate about whether humans have a “higher” purpose than, say, getting through life in the safest, most comfortable way. The debate goes something like “Life is hard enough. Why go looking for trouble?” “Because I’m restless and unsatisfied.” “Why?.” “Because I’ve got a sense that there’s something more, or better, or entirely different than what I’m “buying”. “Why?” “Oh, never mind…”
“Just.Do.It!” I admonish myself, because there’s nobody else to put me to bed on time, force me to go out for a bike ride or maintain a healthy diet. I have to strap on my big girl shoes and follow through with what I said I intended to do. Even if I’ve only a vague idea what I want, or what I’m trying to achieve. So, with no indisputable proof that I have a higher purpose, a soul journey or particular destiny, I decided I’d just have to follow my own “road-less-traveled” and see where it leads.
Like travelers and explorers of old, I keep a journal to chart where I’ve been (in case I happen to be going in circles and might, by retracing my footprints, escape this Minotaur’s maze of my own making. How’s that for alliteration?!).
Who does not know what it feels like to be going in circles? Lewis Carroll wisely observed: “If you don’t know where you want to go, then it doesn’t really matter what road you take.” Going in circles is pretty much the same as spinning my wheels, taking no road at all, or any road, by default. So perhaps it’s time to ask “Where do I need to grow up, step into my life?” What would that look like? What Minotaurs are blocking my path?”
Your questions, goals and growth opportunities may be different than my own, but to pursue them in my journal with self-honesty and humility is the beginning of my soul’s journey. Rather than getting caught in circular debates about the meaning of life, how much better to make a decision – by my own volition – of where I want to go, what I want to do, and who I want to be? I want to plot and follow my own particular path. My soul’s journey.
Are you with me?